Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Something different?

I've been off my meds for almost a month now and I'm feeling ok. I'm not sure why this time is different than other times that I have tried to go off. Maybe I gave up too soon? I've had a plan this time, maybe that helps. Maybe it is because I know that while I can exist on meds, to truly live I need to be off of them. I don't know.

I have not stuck to my plan as well as I'd intended to. I bike to work maybe 1-2 days a week instead of the 3-5 I was aiming for. I've tried to increase the healthiness of my food, but if I don't get something cooked on the weekends, it throws the whole week off. I am taking my B-vitamins, and trying to reduce my sugar/junk food intake. I think that has helped.

I think the main reason for success is that I've been changing my thought patterns. I know the consequences of failure. Because antidepressants leave me living a half-life, having to stay on them is like a life sentence. I've become more aware how I think, and when I start to obsess in a negative manner, I tell myself that my thought pattern is destructive and force a change. Sometimes I have to repeatedly force the change, but I have not been spiraling downwards.

I've also come to accept that my emotions work in their own ways. If I need to cry, I go to my room and cry. If that isn't available, a public restroom stall will do.

By redirecting my thought patterns and accepting my emotions, I'm doing pretty well without antidepressants. I'm not sure how I'd weather a traumatic event, such as job loss or the loss of a friend/significant other, but I'll cross those bridges when I come to them.

16 comments:

Matthew said...

losing a loved one is very difficult (I had one leave me recently). I commend your attitude and effort to stop taking antidepressants. I know you can do it.

Matthew said...

Also, Just wanted you to visit my post today entitled "Home is where the heart is". May not be up your ally, but just in case. http://www.conservativesandnormals.com/blog/

Blog said...

Why did you stop blogging? I hope that you are well...and managed to get out of it...i fear sometimes that i suffer from depression too...it's like a taboo in my family...we joke about it...but when i read some depressed people's thoughts...i know exactly what they mean. I refuse to resort to pills because i believe that it is ALL IN THE MIND...and we can get out of the awful web of depression.

Javed said...

Therapy
Therapy

Unknown said...

Hello "A Girl" how are you feeling these days. I just came across your blog on a random search. I am depressed too and just recently realized I have been so for years, I have been trying to fix things and get my thought processes right and stop the patterns form pulling me down deeper and deeper. Sometimes I wonder if I need to take medication but something in me keeps telling me that I should be able to make things right by careful changes in the way I see things. I could sync with a lot of things u have posted on your blog. I see there have been no post in the last 6 years. I hope you are feeling better now. Would be pleasantly delighted if I could hear back from you. Would be nice to hear from someone who is going through something so similar to me. Here's my email: divik164@gmail.com :) wishing u good days ahead

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I seem to have inadvertently posted the same comment a zillion times thinking my comment is not getting posted. That was lame!