I've been off my meds for almost a month now and I'm feeling ok. I'm not sure why this time is different than other times that I have tried to go off. Maybe I gave up too soon? I've had a plan this time, maybe that helps. Maybe it is because I know that while I can exist on meds, to truly live I need to be off of them. I don't know.
I have not stuck to my plan as well as I'd intended to. I bike to work maybe 1-2 days a week instead of the 3-5 I was aiming for. I've tried to increase the healthiness of my food, but if I don't get something cooked on the weekends, it throws the whole week off. I am taking my B-vitamins, and trying to reduce my sugar/junk food intake. I think that has helped.
I think the main reason for success is that I've been changing my thought patterns. I know the consequences of failure. Because antidepressants leave me living a half-life, having to stay on them is like a life sentence. I've become more aware how I think, and when I start to obsess in a negative manner, I tell myself that my thought pattern is destructive and force a change. Sometimes I have to repeatedly force the change, but I have not been spiraling downwards.
I've also come to accept that my emotions work in their own ways. If I need to cry, I go to my room and cry. If that isn't available, a public restroom stall will do.
By redirecting my thought patterns and accepting my emotions, I'm doing pretty well without antidepressants. I'm not sure how I'd weather a traumatic event, such as job loss or the loss of a friend/significant other, but I'll cross those bridges when I come to them.